The Ministry of Truth (Minitrue)

Resplendent in Newspeak and Doublethink.

Comic Book Movie Roundup

A couple of weeks ago I was FB messaging with an old friend, who, for the purposes of my blog, shall be referred to as ‘McDaddy’ (or, seeing as I love Apple Macs, I guess I should be the ‘Mac Daddy’? No? Ok).

It all stemmed from a link he sent me posted on YouTube from www.reelzchannel.com which talked about live-action adaptations of ‘Robotech’, ‘Ghost In The Shell’ and ‘Akira’ (for the record it’s a big Siskel & Ebert ‘two thumbs DOWN’ from me on all three). Here’s that link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_DarhYERwI

Anyways, I took the opportunity to evaluate the plethora of big-screen adaps of established comic-book characters. I think I’m bang on the money with my take on things. So, I thought I’d post them.

DC:

‘Batman’: Started poorly with the campy saga (Burton/Schumacher). Redeemed with Nolan (NOTE. Maggie Gyllenhall gives a performance in ‘The Dark Knight‘ that’s so poor that she has you begging for Katie Holmes to have taken that role again!).

‘Superman’: Classic start. Downhill from there, culminating in Singer’s dreadful ‘Superman Returns‘.

‘The Phantom’: As vacuous as the apparition.

‘Swamp Thing’: Reasonable casting, with Louis Jordan making a suave Arcane. Little else is that memorable though.

‘Constantine’: Is John Constantine a cynical, morally ambiguous, hard-drinking, chain-smoking, foul-mouthed Scouser in this? No. What’s the point then?

MARVEL:

‘Iron Man’: Almost flawless. It’s problem. Terrence Howard. Said problem removed for ‘IM2‘.

‘X-Men’ (inc. ‘Origins: Wolverine’): Overblown saga with some truly ropey performances (Halle Berry, James Marsden, Rebecca Romjin-Stamos…..). ‘X3‘ not as bad as some say but still below-par. ‘Wolverine’ does have Gambit but royally fucks up Deadpool.

‘Ghost Rider’: * enter your own derogatory comment here*

‘Hulk’: ‘Lee’s version is an utter travesty. Leterrier’s ‘Incredible Hulk‘ vast improvement, but not great.

‘Captain America’: Is there any more polite way of saying “shite”?

‘Spider-Man’: Un-gripping start, great sequel, diabolical third act. Showed some classic Raimi shots but not enough to keep you interested. Dunst is just tiresome in all of them.

‘Fantastic Four’: First movie. Boring. ‘Rise Of The Silver Surfer‘. It had the Silver Surfer. It had Galatcus as a huge fart cloud. Still boring.

‘DareDevil’: Moments of good action and faithfulness. Dreadful casting. The ‘Director’s Cut’ is much improved.

‘Punisher’: Lundgren’s is instantly forgettable. Thomas Jane is just as dreadful as Frank Castle. As for ‘War Zone‘, Ray Stevenson makes a pretty good Castle. Still ropey thanks to the casting of Colin Salmon and some dodgy dialogue. Get’s the level of violence and bloodshed just right to the source material, making this the best attempt so far.

The rest:

‘Hellboy’: I am biased, but a great start and a brilliant sequel . Extremely close to the source material and excellent casting. Didn’t really need the creation of John Myers to help the audience along though.

Alan Moore: ‘V For Vendetta’ still stands as the best adaptation so far. ‘Watchmen’ is the best we could have hoped for but is still flawed. ‘From Hell’ is ok in parts. ‘The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen’ was fucked from the outset.

‘Spawn’: Still waiting for the reboot. A great character utterly wasted on an under-developed script, atrocious dialogue and under-produced FX. ‘Clown’ looked reasonable at the time but hasn’t dated well.

’30 Days Of Night’: Ok. Not as astounding as the Niles/Templesmith series, just ‘ok’.

‘Wanted’: Was it? Really? No, didn’t think so.

‘Sin City’: More typical mysogonistic tripe from Miller (who should just not develop female characters EVER). Over-cooked, over-hyped and utterly tedious.

‘300’: Inferior to the graphic novel and drawn out to the edge of boredom. A good cure for insomnia though.

‘The Spirit’: (*see ‘Sin City’). Refer to the cliché of Will Eisner spinning in his grave.

To come:

‘Thor’: RSC master Kenneth Branagh bringing the son of Odin to the big screen? Really? Heavy on the dialogue. Little comic-book action to be expected. No balance.

‘Green Lantern’: Great character, especially as the Hal Jordan/Parallax is the one being worked on for the L/A. However, his superpower being a ‘glowing ring’? Expect ridicule. Also, Ryan Reynolds? Martin Campbell? Expect derision.

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March 13, 2010 - Posted by | Comics, Film, Sci-Fi

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